Live ends and the rest of people around the one who died have to keep on living. Seeing my father sneaking across the landing at night was excruciating. Probably not how can she afford anything without a job? Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk, I definitely know how it feels sometimes. She acted as though she got offended over that. We understand that he will cultivate other friendships and relationships in his life. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. Will the hurt/pain ever get better? Im really not trying to discourage anyone from accepting your own situation (in time) . Shes actually a neighbor, and lives in her sisters house, 1 court down from my dad. From the get-go me and my siblings had qualms about his relationship. They want people to be happy that they are together and getting married, but she has not earned that, nor is she entitled to dictate my feelings or any one elses. She has told him he has a dirty mind. I would go during the day and he would come around 4 to relieve me. They will barely speak to him, yet he continues to talk to them about her and asks them if they like her or tells them how much he wants them to like her. It was a shock!! Suddenly dad was cramming her down my throat even pawning her off on me when he was tired of listening to her but I could not stand being with her and as time went on it became really obvious that I didnt want anything to do with her. He says that if you grieve over someones death, it is because you are not right with God. my daughter passed away several years ago it has not been two years yet. Your choice. Basically, if I didnt offer to help, this is the route it would have gone. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on, to grow. Even though the other sister was with my mom every second of every day since my moms diagnosis and passing. ive never meet her nor was notified of his relationship until recently when he decieded he wanted to move her here with us. but she is an active participant in the redesign. My only advice to any of you dealing with a similar situation is to always calmly and truly speak your mind, dont let things go unsaid. He and my Mom did everything together and she spoiled him. My kids were disappointed that they didnt see him that much. People spend more time debating which car they will buy than Is this person suitable or are they just making themselves available?. that September. My wife passed away on February 22, 2014 after a very very long battle with alcoholism. Alex Murdaugh will spend the rest of his life in prison for killing his I am now very upset and can see the future ramifications if he continues on this break neck speed. Many of you are older than I am, live apart from your surviving parents, and still struggle with these feelings of betrayal, loss, and hurt. She is my age and we both really enjoyed talking and spending time together that week. Like he didnt really want to be here. Your dad did. As far as your mother is concerned, I'll just tell you some of the things I told my step-father. another woman. Within 2 months before my grandfather passed away. I did not do anything wrong other than fall in love with their awesome dad. I should have known. My father got quiet, and said that they werent having a second party. Whatever it may be, it is important to remember that there is a purpose for each person who enters and exits your life. I will say, that I do believe that everyones time of grief is differentwhether its short or long. Now that that's over, she has no idea where she is. I told him hes wrong for that. In addition, there are several new tasteful furnishings in the garage, including a poster-size image of his girlfriend, and a multi-picture montage including an 8 x 10 OF HER BIKINI BUTT!? She'll get to talk about him with no worry of making them sad and it'll get lots off of her chest. So I accept it or lose my Dad. Hopefully shes not mean and takes my Dads money and excludes us. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and opinions. He kept complaining that the food wanst ready soon enough, that it was taking too long, and kept telling everyone else that he had somewhere else to be. Worse still, he is in ICU with a poor prognosis and I am expected to defer to her. The trip was uncomfortable. Webmoving in with mom after dad died. I realized that you dont move past ityou go through it, and you continue to go through it, like youre paddling in a canoe through a muddied river. His girlfriend had the nerve to come without him, then pull me aside when she was there just to tell me that she wasnt trying to replace my mom and we should honor her at all occasions. Her children came with the package he is trying to have a relationship with her & she is bringing her kids along. The Day My Father Died My momma lost a long battle with lung cancer, and her death hit me the hardest in the family. Not going through joyous good years of their partner is one widower. If the PR prevails at trial, brother will need to move out within a few days, or the sheriff will forcibly remove him. She has a man who does not call, care or as my mother begged him, wrote him and told him, when I die, please take care of our girls. I still cant beleive it. Let me preface that by stating Im an only child and he is really the only family I have, outside of my husabnd and kids. When I moved out for college, my parents relationship began to change. Ive studied alcoholism a lot, and for those of you stricken by our societies version of it, please understand it really is a disease and NOT a choice. Some people it may take even longer and others, not so much. It is so good to know that I am not the only daughter dealing with these feelings. mother I never met the woman my dad is involved with. If she calls when Im there or I come in, he gets off the phone. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. 3) he has admitted several times that he is afraid of being along and he cant be alone those were his exact words. support my mother after my father passed away I know she doesnt even know what I am going through, as she was never even a mom.. How can she ever begin to be that for me.. Is it even on her radar? Thats why i was so surprised and relieved to find people to talk to that can actually relate. I think he is lost and being stupid. She has to work now. I dont want my dad to be alone, but what bothers me the most is the affection they show for each other. I put him off saying how about a rain check. Maybe even when my Mom was alive. He absolutely is seeking your approval for his happiness he simply isnt going about it in the right way. I awoke to my mother repeatedly yelling in desperation, Bob! Her and I were so close. Knowing I cannot change the situation I have sometimes asked my husband to hold up a sofa cushion while I give it a good punch! My dad had been laid off and began taking care of her at home since she wasnt physically able to take care of herself. I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. Now married with 2 daughters of my own the pain was relived when I saw as an adult how terrible it would have been for my girls to have suffered as I did.I cannot comprehend how they could be so insensitive to his daughters sufferings and especially me as a 13 year old living at home. click to read more On him. Your relationship may not last but the pain will most certainly endure. I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. We are all somewhat scarred from all weve been through. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life that it is not trying to replace your mother or father. My sister feels the relationship started way before we found out about it. For us, when my dad died, my mother was grief-stricken for almost 10 years afterwards. Never asked about our welfare, but tell the world that His the best Dad. But I still feel the same way a lot of you do. Her heritage is Italian and she loved to make sauce and meatballs for spaghetti or breaded veal cutlets and huge green salads for our family meals. and died that following Monday (we let her go there was a machine breathing for her. I feel angry and stressed. I wanted to scream, youre only able to say that since my MOM is dead.. Needless to say I didnt sleep all night and sent my father a heartfelt email telling him how I felt about the situation. Meaghan, when you bend over backwards, you are likely to lose your balance. I only wish that they and others would stop confusing the love and devotion I had for my wife and have to her memory with moving forward and living life. Please someone tell me if Im wrong. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The only practical suggestion I can make at this time would be to let your father know exactly how you feel. My mom was vivacious and full of laughter and life. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. When I tried to talk with him 4 weeks after my mom passed, he informed me that he is 73 yrs. And perhaps, someday, he will meet a woman who shares his values and can make a life with him. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. 1. But I had to handle it all the planning everything, the video. So I concentrate on making myself and my son happy for right now. I moved out at 16 to attend school near my sisters who married at 23 and had a family. This came out of the blue, as I had just seen him several months prior and there was NO mention of him ever wanting to get back into the dating pool. It's normal, but it's unhealthy if you're sitting by yourself for hours, allowing yourself to draw deeper and deeper into that mindset. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. I completely was disgusted , It was too soon! I came to pick her up from the airport last night and she was just a mess. I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of loss of my late husband and he could do the same with me. He is pretty much alone now anyway. I think whether I gave my dad back what my mom gave me or not, Id still be dealing with a jerk. She doesnt like to be taken care of, but loves to take care of her family. You need to get a grip on your own life and let your parents be human beings. I think the worst thing to do would be to follow my instincts and just never see her, and by extension, him, again. I finally told him after going thru everything with him, that I need time and could not go thru her stuff anymore for awhile, until my sister got here. Your email address will not be published. When Ellen and my Dad got married I will never forget one of her friends being at the house at the wedding reception and walking up to me and saying So you are Ellens new daughter? I thought I would nearly fall over! I could never look myself in the mirror and feel good about it as a woman, a mother or person. It was a very difficult 10-12 years. What Im also seeing, and what I feel about my own situation, is that, the bottom line is there is a lack of respect, sensitivity and compassion for those whove also lost that person by either both, or the dad or the new woman. Anyone that knows me knows whenever you need something Im there for you I will do my best to help. My father and I were always close, and now I feel sad, hurt, rejected, angry and guilty. My dad had a Christmas decorating the tree party a couple weeks before Christmas for all his I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. His wife passed away after a 3 4 year battle with Leukemia. I started the grieving process well before the end and do not want to waste a day of my life living it in mourning and lonliness. Sometimes men can suspend reality. Furthermore, she is talking about how she's going to be alone forever, and none of her friends are widowed, and she isn't sure how she is going to make it without my dad. Ive flat out told my dad about my feelings but he doesnt care he says he can date who he wants. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. And, she had others she could turn to for conversations that didn't involve which track we should dance to. So his death was extremely sudden and we were just left in shock. It took a long time for me to be able to do this, and I am not perfect at this. Funny I said to my husband recently that if someone had said to me that for the amount of money I may inherit I could have not gone through 35 years of trauma I would gladly have given up the cash. You moved out and made your own friends/relationships, and eventually you will probably find one person to be with for a while. No soon after I started to notice her trying to get physcially close to my father. I have not felt more alive than when I stepped outside of mycomfort zone to do things I wouldn't have normally done. I know my mom would want me to be a part of my dads life but its so hard for me to accept it. And on top of this, if you actually read everyones comments, most of these people want the parent to be happy, but they are just not ready to meet their parents new friend. Father My dad has been acting differant since they started dating too hes been drinking more, ect. Loss of a loved one is also known as bereavement. We told him that our grieving process is not done and we are not there yethe does not care. Jennifer garner is very suddenly three months ago, siblings, my father is the birth. I dealt with this situation head-one and attempted to equip myself with all the information I could. Dad has us get rid of Moms clothes the very weekend of her funeral. I still have to remind myself that feeling guilty is not productive. No one is arguing that at all. When we married we decided to make a go of things in the U.K as I was closer to my family than my husband was to his but people acted as if we were crazy to stay here! She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. So right now my sister is scheduled in about 20 days to have a 9 hour back surgery. One night we decided to open a bottle of her favorite wine to toast her memory, and before I knew it my Step-Dad and I were making love on the living After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. So, I told him that were no longer a part of each others lives. I feel like Im being emotionally abandoned all over again and Im 50. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. We are in the same scenarios, so I wont get into it. Wow Andrea. My wife and our family never got to know here, as our children feel that he betrayed their grandmother in such a short time. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. They were married 34 years good relationship. Out of my siblings, I was the only one physically involved in the day-to-day care of my mother, so their understanding is limited. My hair stated to fall out. I was blaitantly lied to and now i feel like the family outcast, Im never invited to anything they do, and dont fit in. Over these three years ive feel as the world is a very lonesome place without her and what i thought was a tight family was false. I have gone through the grief process from both sides. He was just my moms friend and he was there for her which was ok with my brother and I. Good to know there are other people that have gone through similar situations and feel similar to me. Me and my father both were not there. What kind of man allows this? In your case the perpetrator was your wife so perhaps with work you would learn to trust another again. She doesnt want another master in his life. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) I cry every single day about my mom and then it turns into me crying about my dad. My mom left me stocks when she passed, just a couple hours after she passed, my dad is down my throat for those stocks. I just want him to do things in a way to respects my mothers memory.thats all!!! We are doing our best to cope with things. Alex Murdaugh will spend the rest of his life in prison for killing his dad With my dad was informed that her mother passed away last may remain loyal to die someday. I saw my dad smile for the first time since right before that dreaded day in the emergency room. for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. All the while he expects me to hang around him and live life with him in it! Oh honey, there's no such thing as grieving too much or too little. Listen to them, support them, be there for them as much as they will let you, and pray, pray, pray. I am a little hesitant because not thinking about my dad is helping me to be able to go on with my life, and I'm worried that talking about my feelings will just make me think about them all the time. Or call 18665650065 between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. sister took care of our mother for 10 years There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. This is why is pains me to see my mother move on so soon 5 months later. The frustration in your post beneath your cheap shot of saying we should ignore very real and valid feelings to honor our mothers in heaven is sickening. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. for all you women dating widowed men, take note that the adult children (esp daughters?) My uncle became an alcoholic in the aftermath of his wife passing so it's something that i'm always very aware of. TWO days after she passed away, he was bragging about how we wanted to get out on the town and get laid. He acts like mom never exsistedthey were married 38 years. I dont understand her and I never will. Dealing with my loss and almost like dealing with the loss of my father as well cause i feel like i never see him. I feel so sorry for you. (I understand that there are some exceptions and sometimes this will be impossible to accomplish) Finding happiness, it is a choice. What are our responsibilities towards the funeral? While I share certain similarities with the other posters here, Im also aware of some differences. While their kids and other relatives have mates and continue on with their lifes. Not once did she admit any wrong doing or remorse for her callusness or for disrespecting my mothers memory. Too much change and no way to navigate through it or interpret it. I choose instead to honour my moms memory because she was a loving and gentle woman who he adored and loved. I had also cried too many nights when I see him suffering for the hurtful things that they had done or said to him the few times that they talk or argue. We believe he was seeing her before she died, during her long illness. Take up a club, but dont take my dad now that my mom just died. Her legs were in really bad shape and her hands were shaking and she wasnt responding well. After all this time he is good and angry about the way I am treated in order for my father to maintain good relations with this unworthy woman. He told me during the conversation months before my wedding that he expects us to love his wife just as much as we love him. Rather than gently explaining that I was ready to talk, I lashed out at my loved ones, accusing them of being forgetful, when really, they were just trying to respect my wishes. I never excepted her at first, but then I excepted her and things were pretty all right. My father was really respectful. We kids need him. Whatever it may be, it will do nothing but hold you back from opportunities and moving forward in life. You are not responsible for your extended family. We all want that. It appears that you have done all you can and the only selfish person in the equation is your father. He would just come by and drop off boxes and boxes of pictures and not go thru them. When I was about 16 my friends Mum was dropping me off a short distance from my home when her car would not start late on a Sunday. I never heard my Dad talk about my mother that way not the nasty remarks but simply talk about her beauty. You could try writing a letter from yourself and your sister because he would have to read it and not interupt or threaten. It will never be the same. The bottom line is that I miss my mother. moving in with mom after dad died - thanhvi.net I miss her so much and this new lady doesnt have children, so I know she cant relate to how I am feeling. Im not saying she should never move on but at least give it more time and no I dont want to meet your new friend as she puts it and no I dont think I ever will. My sisters and I will be there to support him and love him through it. needing someone to soothe his hurts. Death is a hard and complicated thing. We have been trying to talk to him. It sucked having to hear every once in while about the court problem. I have been dealing with something tough that I wanted to share and get your comments. In time, you will learn to work around it and not let it absorb you and suck you up. She whispers to him or says a few words or sentences, but thats it. But I hope she comes out of it. You are still very young, and it's a very early age to lose a parent, so take time for yourself too. I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. I was appalled and shocked when he told me. Ironic that what motivated me to try to forgive was the fact I did not want him to be alone. So as if all of this is not bad enough now he tells me that she is gunna move into his house. How common. Is the number one destination for online dating with more You have an alcoholic father and an abusive mother. Sorry, kid. You're best on your own. Actually, you would be best with your chosen family, the c ET on Saturday and Sunday. When life changes through the loss of a loved one, it should be the responsibility of everyone to evolve slowly into a new life. I am now caught up on all the soap operas I have not watched since I left home and am familiar with all the talk show host and their guests. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. From what he tells me she has helped him through a difficult time and how can I be happy knowing that he is not. I am heart broken, and I want nothing to do with my father. Hi Lisa, I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of lost of my late husband and he could do the same with me.